Fertility

He knew what was coming; pretty much. He was ready for it. The café was alive around them: the shouts of the kitchen staff and the chatter of the customers were the cheerful everyday sounds of life. The café was buzzing; suits came and went with Styrofoam cups of strong black coffee, mobile phones bleeped, students chatted, took their time. A child screamed from a slap on the arm. None of this could drown out the words waiting to come out of Sally’s mouth.
“I’m pregnant, Dan.”
She said nothing more. No explanation, no excuses, no questions. She just sat there, on the red plastic chair; sat there staring at him.
Dan had been careful every time, he was sure of it. But all those ‘how could that be’ questions were not forming in his head. What was the point? He could fight it or take the punch.
He stared at her, willing a look of surprise onto his vacant face. His eyebrows should raise, his mouth should form an O; he tried, but in the end all he felt was immense tiredness. His eyelids, instead of being wide and surprised, began to droop. Her face became a blur and his mind thought, if I don’t say something soon I’m going to just fall asleep, right here on this table.
“How long?” He shook his head, kick starting his brain back to life.
“How long have I known? Just yesterday. Dan, I told you as soon as I could. Have you been to bed at all in the last four days?”
She was not frustrated, she was concerned. Perhaps she’ll make a good mother after all.
“What are we going to do?” She sounded as if she was talking about a trip to visit her parents, not a…a what? A baby, a life? Neither of these terms sounded right. They didn’t fit; that wasn’t the situation at all.
Dan was glued to the seat. He had a few choices open to him: run away and never look back, say something - anything would do - or break down crying in a nervous wreck. He did not feel like he could do any of these things, his mind was empty and wanted to sleep. He could feel the dreams through a satin cloth of wakefulness; this is the wrong way round, I feel like I’m waking up into a sleep. This is not right.
He was becoming less aware of the café noise around him, drifting into a thick, soupy haze that was smothering him softly. The edges began to blur, he was looking through water and it was as warm as…the womb.
“Shitting hell!” Dan’s body convulsed and the world came back into focus. No, no, no. From cushioned tissue he was back to razor sharp edges in a flash. He was a fly zipping around the café, picking up minute images of the food, the lights; sounds came to him in surround and he was everywhere all at once.
A thud brought him back to the table, back to his body. In his panic he had knocked over the chair his arm had been leaning on and people were beginning to stare.
A plate smashed in the kitchen and Turkish curses distracted his unwanted audience. Dan looked around; his vision was returning to normal, the hum leaving his brain. Did I just have an out of body experience?
He felt exhausted, but not in the same way as before: normal adult exhaustion, like after a big shock.
“You alright? It’s quite a shock I know, but we can work it out. I haven’t even thought about the options yet. Do you need some time to think about it?” Sally reached out across the table, placing her hand palm up, an offering.
Dan was tired, but his mind was clear. He knew that he could finally take action.
“Sal, I’m sorry…”
He threw his own chair over as he stumbled around the tables and out the door. He caught his breath and ran as fast as he could, without looking back, away from there.